Need
more balance in your life?
BY JENNIFER
GOUCHIE
TIMES &
TRANSCRIPT STAFF
♦
06 Jan 2012 09:18AM
Wouldn’t it be
great if we could find the perfect balance between work and our home life?
According to
personal coach/counsellor Maureen McIntosh, there’s no such thing.
Perfect balance
doesn’t exist, she says. If what we have is different from what we want, we get
out of balance — it’s that simple. Even in good times our scales aren’t always
balanced.
“Balance is not a
static state,” explains Maureen, owner/director of Moncton Reality Therapy
Consultants. “We’re never completely in balance. It’s something we have to work
at and adjust because it’s constantly changing. Balance is a lot of work but
we’re all capable of achieving the best that we can be.”
Simply put, being
out of balance can cause stress. Although most psychologically healthy
individuals strive for a balanced life, it can be difficult to achieve. But
certain steps can be taken to even out the scales.
Maureen, a former
registered nurse, recommends de-cluttering your life as a great first step.
Make two columns on a piece of paper and create a list of what drains your
energy both at work and home as an awareness raising exercise.
The purpose of the
exercise to become aware of the little irritants in your life or life drainers
— things that need to be repaired and taken care of in order to reduce stress.
It could be something as simple as clutter in your hom, piles of e-mails to
wade through daily, or even some people in your life.
“It’s a list and
not an action plan so you might or might not do something about it,” Maureen
says.
Stress comes from
making choices. “We always have a choice but sometimes our choices aren’t
always easy.”
We know what feels
good and what doesn’t and, according to Maureen, have the power to improve
things or live with the status quo. But improving things often means difficult
decisions, so it’s important to take the time to talk thins over with someone,
like a spouse, friend, life coach, counsellor or someone else you trust and
respect.
“When life gets
crazy, just stop and take stock,” Maureen says. “Have a family meeting and see
what you can eliminate and who can help.”
Maureen urges
awareness of the gremlins within us — the inner critic or part of us that hates
change.
“Our inner critics
discourage us from making changes and ... can deter you from your goals,” she
says.
If we’re not in
balance, we’re stressed which is why many people require stress management
counselling. Maureen says we need to learn to use the words “No more,” and pay
attention to what’s going on around us.
Families raising
young children are often vulnerable to stress, with many of today’s generation
struggling to balance the time constraints of a ‘living to work’ mentality with
home life. They often suffer what Maureen describes as Super Mom and Super Dad
Syndrome.
“They’re trying to
do everything and nobody is happy,” she says. “We need to budget what’s
important and prioritize.”
Phenomenal
opportunities may exist for people on the fast track of their career but it’s
common these days for employers to expect more and more of their employees with
fewer resources.
“We need to turn
off our phones in the evening and create a life budget similar to a financial
budget,” Maureen says, adding it’s important to create an environment where
employers can have their needs met but where there is flexibility, especially
for young families.
And even if job
satisfaction is at an all-time high, conflict with management and/or fellow
employees can be a huge source stress, anxiety and unhappiness. Strategies will
need to be developed to deal with the situation.
Maureen suggests
creating and prioritizing a time budget when it comes to things like e-mails,
text messages, Facebook, Twitter, Linked-In and all other sources of social
media that distract us. She recommends setting aside a certain time each day to
check e-mails and sticking to it regardless of distractions — but spend only
that time on that particular task.
Overall, Maureen
recommends we get rid of the word ‘Should,’ identify things to eliminate from
our lives and develop the ability to say ‘No.’ Eliminating negativity can also
result in a healthier and more balanced life.
“We should all
wake up in the morning and be grateful, even if we don’t get what we want,” she
says. “You have to stop and take stock of what’s happening around you and give
yourself permission to look after yourself.”
She lists three
words she believes are important to remember in life – selfish, selfless and
self-full. Most of us are taught early on that being selfish is bad and
selfless is good, but often we become so focused on other people that we burn
out.
“You need to take
time out for you even if it’s just an hour a day,” Maureen says. “Unless we
fill ourselves up again, we run out. You’re no good to yourself or anyone else
if you’re burned out. Employers need to exercise that too.”
Looking for
balance?
Seven deadly
habits that can prevent us from having a well-balanced life:
1. Complaining
2. Blaming
3. Bribing
4. Nagging
5. Threatening
6. Criticizing
7. Punishing
Seven Caring
habits that can help us find a better balance in life:
1. Encouraging
2. Respecting
3. Supporting
4. Trusting
5. Listening
6. Negotiating
differences
7. Accepting
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